Project management is a high-stress job which can lead us into some tough situations. During times of high stress, we need to keep a level head. But sometimes despite our best efforts, anxiety and depression can creep in.
While mental health professionals are unsure about the root causes of anxiety and depression, they have found common precursors. Behind our negative emotions there are groups of negative thoughts and self-statements known as ‘unhelpful thinking styles’. If we do not confront these thoughts and allow them to live rent free in our head, they can become second nature to us – automatic habits that pull us into states of anxiety or depression.
Can unhelpful thoughts really cause anxiety and depression?
Yes! As someone that struggles with anxiety, I can tell you firsthand that left unchecked, unhelpful thinking styles can wreak havoc on your mental health. Unhelpful emotions such as depression or anxiety, are almost always preceded by unhelpful self-statements and thoughts. While we all do our best to stay cool under pressure, sometimes we’re our own worst enemies. In times of high stress, we can develop thought patterns, which distort our views and feelings. The longer these thoughts go unchecked, the harder they are to kick to the curb.
In my previous article, I discussed five common unhelpful thinking styles: mental filter, jumping to conclusions, personalisation, catastrophising and black and white thinking. In part two, I’ll shed some light on five more unhelpful thinking styles, and give you some strategies to overcome them.
6. Shoulding and musting (aka unrealistic expectations)
Should and must statements are super common. Sometimes these statements are helpful, e.g. ‘I should get my work done on time’, or ‘I must get my make time for my health’. But if you overuse these statements to place unreasonable pressure on yourself, it can become detrimental. You might find yourself thinking things like: ‘I should always get things right’, ‘I must get over my fear of public speaking’ or ‘I should be able to do this’.
If we set up unrealistic goals for ourselves and then are unable to attain them, we constantly feel like we’ve failed. Eventually we may even find ourselves applying these statements to other people, e.g. ‘she should know better’ or ‘people should always keep their promises’, which leaves us feeling frustrated or disappointed in others. So how do you manage your expectations?
Create realistic and flexible goals
When setting goals for yourself, or others, try to make them realistic. Replace ‘should’ and ‘must’ statements, with ‘could’ or ‘would have liked to’ statements. If you find yourself raising the bar too high, stop and ask yourself, is this a strict rule? Or is its simply a just desire or possibility that didn’t work out this time around?
7. Overgeneralising (aka distorted thinking)
This is when you take one instance or situation in the present and convince yourself that this will apply to all future situations. You take one example, or a small amount of evidence, and make sweeping statements or broad, generalised conclusions. After something goes wrong, you may think things such as, ‘that’s just typical, every time I fail’, ‘all my clients are terrible’, ‘things never go my way’, or ‘this is the way my life is always going to be’.
We tend to use words like ‘always’, ‘all’, ‘every’ and ‘never’, when, in most cases this isn’t accurate at all. By overgeneralising, we convince ourselves that things are inevitable or out of our hands, which leads to feelings of helplessness and frustration. Overtime, you’ll start to feel like a victim and seriously bum yourself out. So, how can you turn this thinking around?
Be specific
Sometimes we truly are a victim of poor circumstances, but many times it’s our thinking making us feel like a victim. If you catch yourself using words like ‘always’ and ‘never’, make sure you assess your facts and interpretations. Ask yourself, does this instance apply to all situations or am I just generalising and distorting the truth?
8. Labelling (aka snap judgements)
You can think of labelling as overgeneralising for people. It happens when we make universal or generalised statements about ourselves or other people, based only on behaviour that occurs in specific situations. For example, you may knock over and smash a glass and think, ‘I’m such an idiot’ or make a small typo in an email and think ‘I’m so incompetent’. One of your colleagues might forget to cc you in an important email and you might think, ‘they’re so inconsiderate’.
By defining ourselves or another person by one specific behaviour (usually a negative one) we ignore the other positive attributes and actions and begin to lose faith in ourselves and others. So, how do we stop the urge to label people?
Judge the situation, not the person
If you find yourself labelling yourself or others you need to take a step back and reassess. We tend to use labels when we’re in negative situations or headspaces, and this leads to negative labels and thought processes. Think to yourself, does this behaviour or situation reflect how things always are? Or have there been times where this label hasn’t been true?
9. Emotional reasoning (aka ‘I feel…therefore it is’)
Have you ever felt anxious about a situation and then thought, ‘this isn’t going to go well’, or ‘something bad is about to happen’ or felt depressed and thought, ‘this is the worst place to work’? Emotional reasoning is when you base your view of a situation, yourself, or others, on the way you are feeling. It’s very common in anxiety sufferers and can result in panic attacks if you let it go too far. When we use emotional reasoning, we are using our feelings as proof rather than concrete evidence. So how, do we prevent our emotions from manipulating our thinking?
Focus on facts
If you sense that your emotions are getting the better of you, ask yourself, what facts or evidence do I have to support my feelings? You will likely realise that there is little (if any) evidence to support your thinking and conclusions. If you’re still struggling to convince yourself you can ask, have my feelings been clouded by bias or past experiences and do they need re-evaluating? If you’re struggling to get out of your own head, it’s great to reach out to a colleague, friend or family to gain a little more perspective.
10. Magnification and minimisation (aka binocular thinking)
This is where you enlarge (magnify) the positive attributes of other people and shrink (minimise) your own qualities. It’s like looking at the world through either end of the same pair of binoculars. A lot of people minimise when they are given a compliment. They may say things like ‘oh no, that doesn’t count, I just got lucky’, or think, ‘they don’t really mean that, they were just being polite’.
You may then begin to maximise the qualities of others, ‘now Terri, she’s truly talented’, or ‘that’s nothing compared to Max’s management skills’. Continually disqualifying or dismissing your own attributes or achievements has negative effects on your psychology – so how can we build ourselves up.
Acknowledge the good
Being humble is good, but there is such a thing as being too humble. If you continually water down your positive experiences you will start to feel insignificant, irrelevant or unimportant. Sometimes it can even transform positive experiences into negative ones. If you think you’re doing this, you need to ask, am I downplaying or ignoring some of my talents, skills, or qualities? What have I done well in this situation?
Do you catch yourself slipping into these thinking styles?
You know what they say – with great power comes great responsibility. We managers are not only responsible for other people and projects, but also ourselves…so it’s important that we’re mindful of our own minds. As we go about our days, we need to realise we don’t always see or interpret experiences and events clearly. In fact, our minds are prone to distortion, so it’s essential that we actively identify and challenge any unhelpful thinking styles before they get out of hand. It’s not always easy, but it’s a sure fire way to moderate anxiety and depression and stay cool under pressure.