A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away (Brisbane 2016), I sat at my computer, scrolling through job positions for hours on end. I kept coming back to one ad in particular because the description had a certain spark and gusto. The role sounded exciting, the employers sounded genuine and the position appeared to be a good fit for my skills and experience.
One problem: there was a voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough for the role, to lower my bar and keep searching.
What I now know
Fast forward to 2021. I was actually in this role for three years and continue to do freelance work for the company today. I also have a very healthy relationship with the employer.
I now know that the dark voice in my head was imposter syndrome; a psychological pattern of self-doubt regarding skills and knowledge. I’ve experienced this repeatedly throughout my life and I’ve come to think about these negative thoughts as separate to my ‘real thoughts’. I see imposter syndrome as a little gremlin that likes to make snide remarks but is mostly harmless — as long as I don’t give it any power.
Disassociating these feelings and giving it a face I can reject has helped me massively. Over the years I have also developed some other thoughts and tips I hope will help you if you’ve ever felt inadequate or fraudulent in the workplace.
In the early days of researching this, I could suddenly see all the dots connecting from my teenage years into my early career. I could recognise moments where the gremlin had told me I wasn’t smart enough to study a certain course, where it had amplified a minor issue to seem like a catastrophe or whispered I didn’t belong in a boardroom where most people were my senior.
Why imposter syndrome hits AMs and PMs
I was speaking to a friend who was also a PM about these issues and was surprised to hear they felt the same! In fact, it turns out imposter syndrome is very common in all industries and is particularly common in high pressure roles (ahem, project and account managers).
So how do we make this fiendish and potentially dangerous gremlin easier to handle before it completely derails our career opportunities or mental health? For me, it starts with first understanding some of the underlying causes. There are a few reasons why I feel imposter syndrome often hits PMs:
Soft skills are hard to quantify
So much of being a good PM are the soft skills we acquire.
We have to have natural empathy so we know how to approach different discussions with the client and how to manage different members of the team.
We need foresight so we can see problems before they happen and minimise risk.
We need a flair for logic when prioritising tasks.
We need the ability to talk in comfortable and interesting ways to build client rapport.
All of these crucial and powerful skills are near impossible to measure which makes it hard to get a true idea of competency in these tasks.
We compare ourselves to others
There are certain people I have on LinkedIn who are the Instagram influencers of my working life. I look up to them, admire them and can’t help but compare myself to their posts where they regularly share their shining achievements. Whether it’s a new qualification or them smashing an exciting project’s goals, it’s difficult to avoid comparing all of the ups and downs of my career with their glowing (and curated) career highlights.
We create negative stories for ourselves
We all have memories of things we’ve screwed up that haunt us at 3am. As a PM, previously I had a habit of dwelling on my mistakes or negative experiences that were out of my control, to the point I would obsess over them.
This caused me to develop negative stories I would tell myself, such as “that issue occurred because I wasn’t good enough or smart enough”, or “this issue wouldn’t have happened if so and so was running the project instead of me”. I think a lot of this comes down to the mental weight of projects on our shoulders as PMs. If a project is unsuccessful, it feels like our fault because we deal with the brunt of the fallout, even if there were external factors.
How I battle my gremlin
Okay, now for some positivity! Here is what has helped me through my experiences with imposter syndrome and how I keep my gremlin at bay:
Positive reflection
Something beneficial I took away from following the ‘PM superstars’ is that positive self-reflection is important. We all may not like to share our achievements on social media, but I have found it helpful to keep a record of things I am proud of (both in my professional and personal life). I've done this in a few different ways over the years, including handwritten journals and mental notes but the most convenient for me has been keeping a note on my phone so I can access it anytime, anywhere. Going back to this record helps me remember I know my shit when I make a mistake or I’m going through a tough project.
Hitting unfollow
If there are particular people who make you feel inferior to the point it’s affecting your mental health then hit that unfollow button. It’s just not worth it.
Banning demeaning terminology
There are certain phrases I know are red flags that tell my gremlin is talking. The below phrases are some examples of moments I’ll pump the breaks and reassess why I’m feeling that way.
‘I’m not smart enough’
‘I’m not good at this’
‘I’m a jack of all trades’
This may be silly, but sometimes I’ll also argue back to these with valid points which helps me remember these are just silly passing thoughts — human reflexes to a problem. By stopping to reassess these thoughts you can take power from your gremlin and change the stories you tell yourself about your abilities.
Embracing my strong suits
I will always know there will be other more gifted public speakers than me, who could schmooze a client in a meeting better than me. Now I know that’s okay because I have other superpowers. I’m still friendly, can speak comfortably and ask questions when needed but my real talent is in being the constant observer and critical thinker.
I hunt for insights and because I’m a natural overthinker, I am very good at seeing problems coming and plan for them in advance. This all might sound a bit cocky, or like something I say to myself in the mirror to pep myself up but it’s self-praise I had to work for mentally so now I’m proud to say it.
I would recommend every PM write down their own PM superpowers, what they specifically bring to the table, while acknowledging the sort of PM they’re not. There’s room for all of us, and it’s okay we have different PM flavours.
Therapy
I started seeing a therapist to manage a few aspects of my life in 2020, including my career. I’m obviously not a therapist myself but I have found it helpful talking to someone about my thought processes and also reading about treatment methodologies.
Some methodologies which have been helpful regarding imposter syndrome are narrative therapy and acceptance commitment therapy (ACT).
Narrative therapy focusses on identifying the negative stories we define ourselves by and reprogramming those into positive stories.
ACT, on the other hand, deals with managing thoughts as they come, one tactic being thought defusion which helps minimise the impact of negative thoughts (ie. treating the 'gremlin' as a separate entity or practising mindfulness).
