New project, new leaf: Defusing a disagreement with a colleague

So, you’ve had a major argument with a colleague. Maybe they thought the timeline was unreasonable or you just butted heads over some features. Whatever the reason, conflicts can be awkward. So how do you defuse the situation and stop that baggage carrying over into the next project?

In the world of project management, sometimes things get heated, and it can be difficult not to take it personally. Perhaps the designer knew about the 5pm deadline but decided to leave at closing time without completing their work (even though they were close) and leaving you to deal with a late delivery and the following fallout.

Maybe your developer who is working on multiple projects has prioritised a simple project so they can get it out of the way, rather than prioritising the project with the closest deadline, resulting in a last minute scramble to deliver the goods!

Fact of the matter is – disagreements happen, no matter how well your team works together. But these conflicts shouldn’t result in burnt bridges or enduring workplace grudges. While it can be difficult to keep your cool in the heat of the moment, as PM you’ve got to find ways to deescalate situations, defuse tension and start your next project on a fresh leaf. Here’s how to do it!

Reframe your brain

While no one enjoys disagreements, they’re actually very important! If handled in the right way, conflicts can be valuable learning opportunities which carve our space for new ideas and lead to better employee relationships and improve overall job satisfaction. Let me break it down for you!

See conflicts as opportunities for new ideas

Let’s say a team member disagrees with your approach and you end up in a disagreement. It’s frustrating yes, but this creative friction can give rise to new ideas. After all, there’s a chance you might be wrong…right? If a colleague challenges your ideas or approach, don’t get defensive or turn hostile.

Instead, open up a dialogue and see it as a learning experience! By integrating your colleague’s feedback, you can improve your internal processes and avoid future pitfalls. After a level-headed chat and some creative problem solving, you’ll be able to tackle the situation together and come up with some fresh new ideas.

Improve your workplace relationships and job satisfaction

To be a successful PM you need to be able to defuse disagreements and embrace constructive feedback. The better you handle conflicts, the more you’ll understand the people around you and more importantly, the more they’ll respect and understand you. Overtime this will help you build better relationships with your team, while creating a more positive and productive work environment.

Sound good? Here’s how to handle colleague conflicts while maintaining a positive work relationship!

Get it all out

No one likes to hear the words, ‘we need to talk’, but when there’s tension in relationship (be it romantic or professional) it’s better to address issues head on rather than letting them simmer. If you and a colleague aren’t seeing eye to eye, you both need to be honest about your feelings and get it all out in the open.

Start by talking about their strengths and challenges. If you want to make it more palatable, try using the old feedback sandwich –say something positive, then give constructive criticism, and finish off with another positive. Then you can discuss your own strengths and weaknesses and try to work out where you believe the tension came from.

Make disagreement part of the process

It might sound counterproductive but making disagreement a part of your creative process is great way to come up with ideas, while preparing you and your colleagues for real clashes. For every idea that you develop, invite your colleagues to find at least three reasons why it won't work. Even if the idea seems perfect, and your team is in agreement, challenge them to find three things that are wrong before moving forward. By constantly playing devil's advocate you can create a culture where casual disagreements feel like an organic response, as opposed to a clash.

Listen without interrupting

Interruption is the root of all arguments. So, if you find yourself in a disagreement with a colleague, it's important to make them feel seen and heard. Even if you totally disagree with their opinion, let them speak their mind without interrupting. Give them time and space to explain their point of view and only once they are finished talking, should you talk.

This shows that you respect their viewpoint, even if you don't agree with it. By hearing them out you are creating a respectful environment where they are more likely to understand your perspective when it’s your turn to talk and by validating your colleague’s point of view, you ensure that your disagreement remains a polite conversation.

Don’t make it personal

When tensions are high, it’s difficult not to take things personally. If you want to avoid ruffling feathers, you need phrase your thoughts and feelings carefully and focus on the facts. Let’s say your colleague wants to change a client’s branding and is invested in a particular colour scheme that you don’t agree with. Acknowledge their feelings, but then verify your decision with facts.

By phrasing things in factual ways (e.g. ‘If we look at our original brief…, ‘Our market research suggests…’ or ‘I'm uncomfortable with...’) you can make disagreements impersonal and focus on what's best for the project, rather than making it personal.

Find common ground

This is the last piece of the puzzle! Don’t get bogged down in your disagreements with colleagues. Instead, work on finding some common ground. Find places where you agree and then focus on your agreements, rather than your disagreements.

Let’s say a colleague feels like you’re giving in to a pushy client. You can probably both agree that the client’s satisfaction matters. You can probably also agree that you want to deliver a high quality product. Don’t let your disagreement steal the focus of the conversation. Instead, focus on your commonalities and solve mutual problems. You're on the same team remember!