Are you up at the crack of dawn and grinding till dusk? Do you feel like you can’t switch off? Are you answering client emails anytime of the day or night? Do you feel a gaping pit in your stomach worrying about your deliverables? Do you feel completely undervalued or unappreciated by your client?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’ve got a serious case of clientus bitchitis. In other words – you’ve become the client's bitch.
It’s okay, we’ve all been there. Even the most talented visionaries and masters of management have at some point, been someone’s bitch.
Tell me if this sounds familiar…
The client pays you. The client feels entitled to your soul. Maybe they start making inappropriate requests of your time and asking for more and more (and more). Perhaps they become stage four clingers and pop up in your inbox. Every. Single. Day. If this is happening to you, you need to turn the tables and take back control!
How you ask? By uttering two magic words:
“No, sorry”
Sounds harsh right? Too short. Too blunt. Too impolite. But tell me this. Do you think your client is worried about sounding too demanding? No! Because they’re looking after their own interests and taking care of their own needs. It’s what clients do. It’s what people do. And it’s what you need to do too! By establishing healthy boundaries and saying no to unreasonable demands, you’re not being selfish. You’re establishing a healthy framework for client relationships and empowering yourself as a project manager.
The power of saying ‘no’
Money isn’t the only thing that matters. As a person and a project manager, you have your own needs, including:
Knowing your limits and working within them (I only have a few hours of creative juice in me each day, so I tap it when I can, but I don’t ever force it)
Upholding your standards (producing shitty work doesn’t feel good)
Honouring your existing commitments to your other clients, yourself, and your family (all these people matter too, even if they’re not as vocal as your problem clients)
Protecting your mental health so you stay sane (no client is worth a mental breakdown)
Reducing resentment around your work (letting your clients push you around while your brain screams in protest is a guaranteed path to burn out)
Enjoying the collaborative process (it’s meant to be fun, remember?)
The art of saying ‘no’
Setting up good boundaries is an art form and it takes time to get it right. If you want to turn the tables on your client, you need to state things clearly and simply, without any drama or emotion. Don’t use statements that leave room for negotiation. For example, “I can't do that this week”, gives your client the opportunity to request the work for next week.
Instead say things like:
“Sorry, I'm not able to do that for you”
“That's very generous, but I won't be able to do that”
“Sorry, that wasn’t part of the initial scope/budget”
“Thank you for thinking of me, but this project isn't right for me”
“Sorry, my team and I are at capacity at the moment”
“That's not something I’m comfortable discussing”
That way you can still be polite and thank somebody for thinking of you or asking you, but you’re following up with a very clear ‘no’. It may be uncomfortable in the short-term, but it saves you being trapped in a long-term resentful relationship. Saying ‘no’ sets healthy boundaries and lays the foundation for more honest, authentic, and productive relationships.
Where to from there?
Once you’ve established boundaries with clear statements, you can try to guide your clients in the right direction. After all, most clients don't intend to be clingy, needy, or otherwise inappropriate. Many clients are simply feeling nervous or scared about the project and they’re turning to you (albeit too much) for reassurance and solidarity. They want you to hold their hand through the entire process.
If you suspect this is the case, state the feelings you sense in them and remind them that you know what you’re doing. You can say something like, “I sense you're feeling nervous, but I want to remind you that you hired me to guide you in the right direction, and I want you to trust that I am doing exactly that.”
A little reassurance goes a long way! Many clients get stuck in negative spirals and can start backtracking and questioning all their choices. This of course has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. So rather than sucking it up and bowing to client demands, it’s better for everyone if you gently bring them back down to earth and work within your boundaries.
You’re the expert remember?
You’re the one with the insight, experience and deliverable goodies clients want, and they’re lining up at your door. You need to treat yourself and your agency like an exclusive club. You need to bar the entrance and make your clients follow your rules if they want to be on the guest list.
If they start misbehaving (like sending snarky emails saying they’re not getting enough value, despite you working your tail off day and night) there needs to be consequences. Start issuing them polite warnings and if the abuse continues, it’s time to kick them out of the club, and onto the curb.
When you’re the expert, good project outcomes aren’t about taking orders, it’s about giving them. As PM, it’s your job to call the shots. So, call them! Saying ‘no’ and setting boundaries may seem stingy (especially if you’re a chronic people pleaser like me), but it’s actually a form of giving. By setting boundaries you are giving yourself and your client relationship the best chance for success.
Dare to say ‘no’!
Clients will take whatever they can get…until you stop giving in to their demands. While it may seem counterintuitive, sometimes you have to stop giving in, to start giving big!